sometimes. i always wanted to let my last blog entry start with this word. it calms down. it relativizes. nothing is right, and nothing is wrong. and especially, nothing is absolute. not on this space and nowhere else. in january, i swore myself to end this all when feelings are breaking through again. they do, because they are meant to free themselves. literally. "sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same", a wise mind once told me. true. for lifes as for world wide webs. und falls wir uns nicht wiedersehen: guten tag, guten abend und gute nacht!

brotherhood over groningen, the perfect last pictures for this blog. de drie gezusters re-united @ grote markt. fabio, giovanni and pasquale together again, for the first time since three months. famiglia krawattoni saying arrividerci. you better take care.

being back? no. that would exclusively mean continuing, and it's not like this. i had a weird feeling the whole day, walking through a place so close to me. everything is changing, it's only honest to confess. settling down in a foreign city is different to last year's preconditions, that's for sure. leaving a lot behind to find something like an inner base. just strange, that it is the people around me, helping to establish this, and leaving when this process is (hopefully) finished.

can't sleep, nothing new. watching the dutch sun rise. good to be back.

last minutes at home. after the following four days of therapy in a medical centre in ramsau, i will finally return to groningen on friday. no private stuff on this blog. valid, but not in this second. without my family, i would have already lost. with it, i am a winner anyway. danke.

recent subject in austria: kids consuming alcohol until their heads fall off, endearingly called "coma drinking". i even don't know for sure, why this discussion started just now, perhaps there was a young teenager drinking himself (or herself???) to hospital. however, suddenly the country screams out loud, that it has got a high-percent problem. i remember, when i started to go out. i was late, fucking late, sixteen or something. and i already wondered to that time about the youth of the night. and now, almost ten years later, it's even younger. additionally, we face an explosive mixture of alcoholic availabilty, business pressure and medial overdose. not surprising, that the methanolic overdoses are following automatically... what to do? cultivating a new adolescent trend by inventing words like "coma drinking"? rather not.

by the way. a felicitous political cartoon in today's austrian newspaper salzburger nachrichten: the art of banality. not really part of the subject, but worth to show.

as you might have recognized, the ipod diary has disappeared during the last months, caused by the fact........ don't know, it has just disappeared. music needs time to grow, especially if it's precious. i don't know a single one of my all-time-favourite albums, which i liked within days. not that this is one of them, but at least it's great. it has already been agrarblog-presented some time ago (if my memory is not cheating on me), but during my stay in austria, it has developed daily, accompaning especially my car expeditions. tele "wovon sollen wir leben". pure german pop with lyrics, so thoughtful, but weightless like a butterfly in the morning: "schau mal in dein tagebuch. steht da was von morgen drin? streng dich an und denk nicht dran, wer hier was wofür kann. fang mit deiner arbeit an. und nehmen wir mal an, es geht alles schief, sing ein lied, wenn du weißt, wie das geht. es geht ah ha es geht uh hu." life ain't easy. but we can pretend it to be, at least for the duration of a car drive.

first time since i'm back of having a day completely for myself. breathing, forgetting body parts, meeting "dutch" friends. with silviya from bulgaria and viennese homie karin i passed a tuesday at the austrian capitol, visiting schönbrunn and the inner city (by fiaker). laughing about all the clichés, once again turning out to be nothing than reality. two seconds in the subway (translation simply impossible): "herst oide, host du a hirn wia a nudlsieb? des gibt's jo ned! greif da des stangl und loss de aundern a einsteign!"

i rarely go to cinemas. don't know why, i love it basically. but often there is just nothing to watch, and if there is, there is sometimes nobody to watch with ;) this time i will. certainly, independent from any circumstances. once. just be honest.

one more week in austria. all for the knee, not for me. shoutoutloud to van houtenlaan.

how does the perfect advertisment look like? i don't know, and perhaps there is no, but the latest one of coca-cola is pretty close in my opinion. a guy going for a bottle at an automat, which suddenly offers an adventural backside of taste and exciting involvement. nothing seen and felt like this for long. respect.

bravo boys! 5:1 and 0:2 against go ahead eagles = de bv veendam in round 2 of the play offs. premier league starter excelsior rotterdam is coming to town now and i know we are ready. in a situation like this, there is nothing more precious than in truth having no pressure. take two.

my knee made dozens of small steps forward during these weeks. yesterday it made a step back, without its fault. it was my responsibility and i'm sorry. i went back home and felt angry, not for the first time, but for the last. defeating the dragons in my knee is a fight. a fight against the pain, against time and a fight with and against my passion for this sport in the same moment. my rage is gone today, because i know myself. yesterday can't beat today and especially not tomorrow. and i am going to be where the pictures in my head already are.

i collected some material during my training time in austria. there will be a film about these steps forward and back and forward. watch the defeating-dragons-trailer (wmv, 2,542 KB). and kneever give up.

i just recognized, that i never recommended himto you: chris garneau, already "halfweekly tune"-artist for the second time. great album, "music for tourists". a fragile voice, surrounded by a piano. shutting eyes, opening ears. take an acoustic browse to his myspace-site.

how awesome is this guy: french idols beatbox

i never made it to a speech of jörg haider, even if i always planned to so. the mystery of populism interests me ever since. how is it possible to manipulate people nowadays, especially in a country like austria, having such a dark recent xenophobian history?! today i "took the chance" to watch h. c. strache - the current leader of the freedom party - in linz, to witness directly. and what i saw, was first of all fulfilling my unsubstantial expectations, and secondly making me afraid. a guy (with exceptional rhetorical skills) - presenting himself as a cartoon figure, cleaning austria from foreign dirt - is cautioning against the islamisation of this country, using sentence like this: "willst du eine wohnung haben, musst du nur ein kopftuch tragen." ("if you search for an appartment, you just have to wear a headscarf.") and i'm finding myself in a jeering crowd, switching off its last working brain cells. back in time, and i start trembling.

who is the new camping member of our family? little fairy has passed her baptism of fire superbly. two days of stockinger-being-together at the neusiedlersee. some time to recover.