some things change. and some stay the same. twenty-four years i have been a fighter. and liked it. was in a way proud of it. to live an uneasy life, to strive for unusual goals, to be different. some things change. sitting here, looking back at a terrible year. and find myself longing for normality. for stability. for harmony. for her. wherever, however. pervers, because i feel like a butterfly. still. like a big one. the last two months were the most beautiful ones i've had for a long long time. floating from seasides to vhl-sunrises and real honeymoons. forgetting to think, just spreading wings and fly. wherever, however. some things change. today i am pinned down again, unable to free myself. and some stay the same...